Climbing = Life (2009-October)

So, 2 days ago I went climbing for the first time ever (not counting the fake climbing walls at the gym or the fair). I think it was the scariest thing I've done so far... because it wasn't just a few seconds of fear.... it was continuous... So I offer my analogy on how climbing applies to life:

Climber: that's you... Will you face life and it's challenges and keep moving or will you freeze, clinging to the rock, paralyzed by fear?

The Rock or Cliff: Your life including the constant challenges you face as you work toward your goals.

Check: Once the climber is all tied into the harness someone else double checks it all. Obviously it is safer to move thru life and it's challenges with someone watching your back. This check could be a trusted friend, companion, or spouse.

Climbing shoes: These things have incredible grip! Once I realized that, I trusted the shoes to hold me, even on nearly vertical surfaces. Having the proper equipment like shoes, ropes, and harnesses is like having the tools you need to navigate your choices. This can vary depending on the goal. If your perspective is spiritual it is scriptures, prayer, and friends you trust to support you.

Belayer: This is the person who you are tied to and will save your life should you fall. Hmm, who do u wanna trust that job to?

I was the first to climb. ME! I had no experience and didn't even get to watch someone else so I could try to follow their path... So the very first spot I got up onto the rock, I already felt stuck. It felt like it was impossible. I could see NO way to progress. My Belayer didn't tell me how to do it... he said, "keep looking, you'll figure it out." I couldn't believe how many times the words "I can't" came to my mind. I think they may have even slipped from my lips once or twice, but once I was aware of this slip, I was careful not to say it out loud again (because just saying it is self-limiting, IMO). I'm glad my Belayer didn't "rescue" me. He made me think. I found a way... It was mind opening. I began to see every slant of the rock, every crack & uneven surface as a solution to the problem.

I felt elated when I made it to the top. "Now what?" I asked? They said, "You come back down!" I started to climb back down and they said, "no you rappel." When they told me how to do this, I was again filled with fear. I thought, how difficult that just as I thought I made my goal, I find out the challenge isn't over! In fact the courage it took to go down was even tougher than figuring out a way to climb up! You have to plant your feet on the rock and lay back into empty space, putting your trust and your life in the Belayer's hands. So you push out from the rock- depending on the rope to hold you and you "sit" until your legs are at a nearly 90 degree angle to you body and the rock, and then just walk down. Transitions from one rock surface to another can be tricky just as any major changes in life.

Climbing teaches trust and opens your mind to finding solutions to what might seem impossible. I absolutely loved it. We did two climbs, and I was disappointed to find that on the second climb I was paralyzed for a few minutes at the top before getting enough courage to go down. I will admit, my brain did think of quitting as one of my options. Briefly... But my inner spirit said no... ; ) I freaked out a little and made the belayer take back the slack a couple times and then I finally committed to sticking it out and made it down. I can't wait to go again... I'll push myself to keep doing this until I can get to the top and go down without the intense fear of starting the rappelling. If you have the opportunity to climb - try it! I think maybe if you can climb, you can do anything!

Encouragement and Hikers (2009-July)

I love hikers. Most of them are kind of quiet, just trudging along their way... but I love the "happy" hikers. You know the ones that offer little bits of positivity and encouragement along the way... They are totally thinking outside themselves.

I just got back from a trip to Maui, where my friend, Olga, and I drove up 10,000 ft to the top of Haleakala. The tourist literature in Maui calls it a crater, but once your up there the rangers and info at the visitors center correct that. But whatever... Inside the depression there are volcanic cinder cones.

My friend and I determined that we would hike to the floor of the "not" crater. We took the sliding sands trail and made it about halfway to the floor before "recalculating" our destination. We decided to hike out around the rim of one of the cones instead. My friend was disappointed that we didn't do what we set out to do, but it was looking like we'd be there overnight if we kept walking down...

Well, walking around the mouth of one of these cones was really cool. It is huge, and the one we walked around was really colorful.

The hike was great... until we started to walk back up. It was gruelling. Eventually Olga walked on without me as I stopped for like the 3rd time to catch my breath. (maybe i whined a little... after all we got up at a quarter to 3 am!!) Anyway we eventually reunited, but I totally wanted to give up trying to climb out of the huge hole, and maybe just build a little hut and live out the rest of my days there... but, Olga said quit whining and come on... so i kept walking. Then clouds rolled in and it started to rain on us. (It felt nice)

That's when the happy hikers started to show up. They distracted me from my pain. They gave little encouragements. One couple said, "You guys are almost there, keep it up..." (Sweet, even though it was still forever to the top.) We asked another hiking family how far we were from the top after 45 minutes and they said,"You're close." I wouldn't go for their vague answers though... I pushed for a number in minutes... 20 more minutes. As we kept walking up and passing cheerful people who offered their kind words, I was thinking about these little positive comments made me feel like I could make it... and I reflected on another hike in Yosemite where I also felt like giving up... a steep hike in the snow. I remembered one of the hikers coming down from my target destination said, "it's totally worth it." That kept me going. (Along with some encouragement from a couple of people hiking with me.)

I want to be like those guys, reaching out, making a diffference, encouraging others to reach their goals. Plus, I'm glad for my friends who do this for me. I have deep respect for those of you who know me well enough to give me a little push when needed, because u know where I want to be. I don't mind u telling me to quit whining, or pointing out the peak I'm aiming for, if it helps keep me moving. No setting up camp here!!

Recalculating (2009-June)

On my recent trip to DC, I was in my new friend, Claudine's car listening as her GPS tried to navigate us thru a very confusing city. I couldn't number the amount of times we heard "RECALCULATING..." One of those times, my thoughts drifted... I reflected on my own life, and the numerous times I've realized that I'm on the wrong path to get where I want to be.

This hasn't been so easily handled as by the Garmin... one wrong turn and that thing is recalculating.... But in my life I've been several turns off before i realize I'm lost, or I end up somewhere I didn't intend because I got distracted and wasn't paying attention to where I was going.

Kind of like one Sunday when I was going to pick up my kids in Corona, and I was lost in thought... my brain's autopilot decided to take me to school instead.... I was in Menifee (15 minutes down the wrong freeway) before I realized...

Thank goodness, we too can recalculate! When you notice your path isn't taking you to where you want to go, you have a choice... You can try to figure it out yourself, making more mistakes in the process, or you can ask for help. Like Garmin's satellite view, God, can see things from a different perspective. He's got the arial view of the city. The only conflict then, becomes do you have too much pride to ask for directions? How off course do you need to be before you will finally put pride aside, and pull over?

Before asking for directions, you must know your destination. As the Cheshire Cat pointed out, if you don't care where you go, it really doesn't matter which road you take... Once you know where you're going, it will become more clear when you've taken a wrong turn and allow you to realign your path to your destination.

Teenage Drivers x 2 (2009-May)

So, I am easy-going. If u know me, u probably have realized this about me. But last Monday, both of my teenagers got their drivers permits... Since then, everyday I come home, they greet me when I walk in. "Mom, where do u have to go today? Do u need to go to the store? ...I'll drive u there." First I thought it was great. Now I find myself regularly gripping the door handles, sitting in the passenger seat with every muscle tense, and shouting "BRAKES!" My oldest is 16 1/2 and she needs a lot of practice. My full attention has to be on her when she's at the wheel. The 15 1/2 year old is more steady. But occasionally, even he gives me cause to scream in my head, "NOOOO!!!" Huuuhhh... my back muscles are sore from all the tension. Will it ever end?

Tonight we went out to dinner. My son drove there. The other 4 kids were happily talking in the back seat, we took the freeway, i even sent out a few texts... It was nice. On the way home my daughter said, I get to drive home right? Immediate panic struck all of us. The younger kids were serious when they said, "Mom, Please no. We don't wanna die!" And I totally understood. I wanted to agree, but I explained that she needs opportunities to improve. I assured them that we would not go near the freeway (we took back roads home). It did strike me how differently the kids rersponded to the two teen drivers. My daughter had 4 lil backseat drivers. Even the 9 year old was like, "Red light.... speed limit is 45..." etc. I told them to let me coach her, but they were all very attentive to what was going on. Kinda funny.

Identity Crisis (2009-April)

So, I had some extra minutes on my hands and i put "Tracy Robertson" in the search box on Facebook... There were 19 pages of Tracy Robertsons! : ( Then I was thinking "geez there are a million of us. I wonder if God even knows which one I am." Just as my feelings of value and worth were begining to shrivel, I started looking at the other Tracys. Guess what? There are no two Tracy Robertson's alike. There are a variety of ages, sizes, and colors. Some of those Tracys were dudes, some were new mommies, and I think one was even a dog. So what does it all mean?

I AM special. Maybe I am the only Tracy Robertson you know who has 5 children, or maybe I am the most stubborn, or the most silly, or the 16th most silly... But the point is I am unique. And if I am unique... then so is everyone else. Isn't that great news?

It's like we're one big box of crayons and we each have our very own shade. : ) (I'm unmellow yellow with ::sparkles::) What's your shade?

Whistle a Happy Tune (2009-March)

I am a whistler... well, actually I like to sing... but when people are around I'm less comfortable singing, so I whistle. This song, from the play the King and I, is one of my favoite songs to whistle... (and I totally believe the message. : )

Whenever I feel afraid
I hold my head erect
And whistle a happy tune
So no one will suspect I'm afraid.

While shivering in my shoes
I strike a careless pose
And whistle a happy tune
And no one ever knows I'm afraid.

The result of this deception
Is very strange to tell
For when I fool the people
I fear I fool myself as well!

I whistle a happy tune
And ev'ry single time
The happiness in the tune
Convinces me that I'm not afraid.

Make believe you're brave
And the trick will take you far.
You may be as brave
As you make believe you are

You may be as brave
As you make believe you are

Mr. Right (2008-May)

I want someone who can look at me
And see who I am, and who I’ll be.

He’ll see the faults I’m trying to amend,
He’ll help me improve and be my best friend.

He’ll point out the places where I am strong.
He’ll stay by my side and help me along.

He’ll help me reach higher to be my best,
And accept my help without getting stressed.

His heart will be filled up to the brim,
When I go out of my way to do things for him.

When times come where we disagree,
He won’t be too proud to reach out to me.

He’ll value my thoughts, my time, and attention.
He’ll take turns stepping down to avoid contention.

He’ll express his feelings and expose his heart,
And he won’t always wait for me to start.

He’ll put his children before his own needs,
He’ll show his love with his words and his deeds.

To my kids his example he’ll lend.
He’ll play with them, teach them, and be a friend.

He won’t choose me for my physical frame,
My heart and soul will light his flame.

He’ll lift me when I’m feeling down,
He'll take me out for a night on the town.

He’ll tease me and make me laugh.
If he has a cookie, he’ll give me half.

He’ll encourage me in all that I do,
He’ll know I’ll always support him too.

He’ll tell me he’s lucky, that I am a prize.
He’ll kiss me while looking into my eyes.

I’ll patiently wait for him to arrive...
I just hope he gets here before I’m 55.